


Of that he's certain

by Alrighthandsome



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Denial of Feelings, Falling In Love, Fluff, Hiding, M/M, Self-Acceptance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 17:06:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29969562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alrighthandsome/pseuds/Alrighthandsome
Summary: Callum has been certain of things in his life but nothing as certain as he becomes to see.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Of that he's certain

To anyone who knows him Callum Highway is walking sunshine always ready to brighten even the darkest days the saddest of clients at the parlour, a friend on the square that maybe is in need of a bit of his warmth, unbeknown to those around him the sunshine he carries with him on a daily basis on show to the world hides suffering and pain and a sadness he tries to hide so know one finds out he's hiding his true self.

His true self that's so well hidden that its even hidden from himself you live a life for so long to someone else's expectations you become to believe thats exactly what you should doing, only Callum has for as long as he can remember wanted a life thats different to what he's been told he should , because he's always felt different somehow of that he's certain.  
He tries to keep those around him happy never wants any trouble, that sunshine shining out of him never on him that way no-one will look hard enough or long enough too see what's truly looking back.

But he tells himself he's not hiding he's living up to the way of life he's always been told is right meet a nice girl settle down, children along the way at some point he's certain that what he wants.

Callum has managed to break free from the negative suppressing figure in his life and his life is good to the outside world, his sunshine smile and personality being his shield to keep anyone from realising he hides such pain and loneliness eating away at him on a daily basis that is until he meets someone who finally gets to see him for what he truly is what's been hidden behind that smile and warmth because this someone is Ben Mitchell the one person who looks and truly sees what's looking back when no one else does, when that sunshine dims and the shield inevitably falls he sees the cracks show and the pain comes through its hard not too when he sees almost a reflection of himself at some point more often than not throughout his troubled life. 

Because Ben also spent most of his life hiding too not, in the way Callum did with sunshine and being everything to everyone he chose the opposite more the clouds and storms of darkness that his life had gave to him with never being good enough always being expected to be more than he was never meeting the expectations set for him.

Although now he has excepted who he is and is living his life how he chooses with help from certain people around him a friend who became a brother by choice a lost love and a beautiful daughter who always pushes the clouds away and brought rainbows and happiness into his life and being a dad had changed him for the better.

Except Ben Mitchell who seems to want to get under his skin wants to pull at that shield he holds so tight to him so he needs to keep him at arms length has to deny what he feels around him, but there's only so long you can fight the inevitable, the way he felt when he first met him, this confident cheeky stranger knocked him sideways and he hasn't been able to get him out of his head ever since of that he's certain.

As much as he tried to fight it and hold tight to his life as he knew it, he found it harder and harder to not be drawn to the man that was invading his every thought the one who he was now seeing everywhere and if he was being honest with himself he didn't want too, he wanted to be close to the one person who was seeming to get him to see him and not make him feel like he was doing something wrong.

One night he didn't want to fight it anymore if only to allow himself to fully drop his shield just for once to not have to second guess his every move to worry about what he says or does because Ben was there saying what he wanted to hear and offering him comfort and he took it, allowed himself to just be him and take what Ben was offering.

It would turn out to be the most magical night of his life one he would never forget one that confirmed to him what he's always been certain of, he may not of been able to accept that fully you live in denial for so long, the shield comes back up stronger than before because letting someone see behind see the real you is the scariest thing you can do you expect to be judged for it.

Ben never gave up hope, sometimes giving advice, letting Callum know he doesn't have to hide, trying to be there for him while he comes to terms with who he is. sometimes lashes out and says he's not worth the hassle as he's frustrated with seeing Callum playing at being happy trying to deal with his growing feelings and desires to be with Callum, wanting to help him through it but Callum always pushing him away when he's scared.

Eventually something has to give, Callum has to make a decision one that he's hoped he never had too but secretly always wanted to be brave enough too.

Its only when you fear your going to lose that one person that saw you like no other has, the one that although you've pushed away and hurt unintentionally is still there waiting to catch you that you finally have to hold on for dear life and hope you never have to let go.

They both know it won't be easy there will still be pain and lies told because being vulnerable is scary but there will also be happiness and truths told eventually because they are meant to be.

Because the sunshine becomes less of a shield and more of a reflection of how you feel, the sun is there but they both learn to live in it more often than not and not as a way of hiding 

Smiles that say I can't believe you found me and I can't believe I found you right back 

Hands that find the other certain they never want to let go 

Arms that are there to hold you when you need to feel at home 

Eyes that say without words you are my family you are my forever

Callum Highway can finally say without hesitation of that he is certain.

**Author's Note:**

> If you read this thank you and I hope it was ok, don't know if it makes any sense just me getting stuff out trying something new before I lose my nerve


End file.
